Kenneth King
Sissy, i am staggaring with grief for you i sertainly can relate! only when i was out there i deserved to be alone but always brought others down a path of violants deceit and agony. i wish sometime that i had pretty word that could encour...age my friends and family in this area. but i dont. i wish i could wrap my arm around a loved one and say something, anything that would take away the pain: or something i could do. but i find in myself no hope of resque for a loved one who is dealing with this!!! i my self am traped!!!! now i always find a script to encourage myself or find something else to do to replace the thought , but it only last for a while.
i look around me and see all the desaster "I"have created and think things like i deserve to be alone i deserve to have nothing and you know what its true!!!!! i even feel sometimes like GOD wants me to be alone. i even have looked up and found scripts to support my theory. loneliness is the worst enemy i have ever faught and it SEEMS to win EVERY time!!! i even stay to myself ALL the time. i have been in so many so called relationships i dont even think i would be able to trust the the other party!!!!!
even if GOD handpicked one perfect mate that was everything i wanted i feel i probly suspect or acuse always wondering when will i lose this one too? so i dont even try to present myself in away to try. and not only in the fation of a mate but also in any type of relationship. i dont even join family outings always exspecting trouble. in the last two years i realized i only have one friend that i very seldom ever talk to. i litteraly stay alone even when every one is in my grasp. why? i havent been able to figure out yet, i dont even try beccause of fear!!! NBTW is real the only time in 2 years that i have started to let people in: and thats only been on FB !!! your word today Sis saddens me because i am fource to take a look inside myself and see what i realy am. i dont like it!!!! in fact i hate everything about my life !!! about the way i feel!!! but for what ever reson i still wake up when i dont want to!!! without a family i feel i have no perpose at all !!! i have a son and im just now able to be in his life .
hes 15 and at this age he has a girl friend so i dont see him very often. im not sure where im going with this im just sadden and i try not to let others no to much how i realy feel inside. i dont know where im going with this i just started typing hoping GOD would lead. i have nothing to say to bring encouragement. all i feel sis is pain and is i sit here and typing i just want to stop. alli know is i love GOD!!!!!!! my only perpose. i know theres hope, i know i dont deserve it and as these tears fall down my face i can see one reson to move on. i just do!!!!!! i move on for JESUS MY ONLY PERPOSE!!!!!!!!
i look around me and see all the desaster "I"have created and think things like i deserve to be alone i deserve to have nothing and you know what its true!!!!! i even feel sometimes like GOD wants me to be alone. i even have looked up and found scripts to support my theory. loneliness is the worst enemy i have ever faught and it SEEMS to win EVERY time!!! i even stay to myself ALL the time. i have been in so many so called relationships i dont even think i would be able to trust the the other party!!!!!
even if GOD handpicked one perfect mate that was everything i wanted i feel i probly suspect or acuse always wondering when will i lose this one too? so i dont even try to present myself in away to try. and not only in the fation of a mate but also in any type of relationship. i dont even join family outings always exspecting trouble. in the last two years i realized i only have one friend that i very seldom ever talk to. i litteraly stay alone even when every one is in my grasp. why? i havent been able to figure out yet, i dont even try beccause of fear!!! NBTW is real the only time in 2 years that i have started to let people in: and thats only been on FB !!! your word today Sis saddens me because i am fource to take a look inside myself and see what i realy am. i dont like it!!!! in fact i hate everything about my life !!! about the way i feel!!! but for what ever reson i still wake up when i dont want to!!! without a family i feel i have no perpose at all !!! i have a son and im just now able to be in his life .
hes 15 and at this age he has a girl friend so i dont see him very often. im not sure where im going with this im just sadden and i try not to let others no to much how i realy feel inside. i dont know where im going with this i just started typing hoping GOD would lead. i have nothing to say to bring encouragement. all i feel sis is pain and is i sit here and typing i just want to stop. alli know is i love GOD!!!!!!! my only perpose. i know theres hope, i know i dont deserve it and as these tears fall down my face i can see one reson to move on. i just do!!!!!! i move on for JESUS MY ONLY PERPOSE!!!!!!!!
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