It has been a week since I
was lead to this group and this is just where I need and want to be. I have to
die daily to my old self who was til 5 months ago a 6 year old alcoholic
homosexual child. Being from the Bible belt I tried to grow up past that age
when I was first sexually molested by my 15 yr old brother.
I went thru the act of
being saved. But I hated God for what happened to me! 3 yrs it went on every night.
I married twice. Had a child, Drank for 20 yrs trying to find happiness, lived
the last 8 yrs as a gay man. Was miserable! Last Dec. I was so down and out and
tired of it all that I surrendered it all to God. I prayed and asked Him to
point my feet where He would have me go. My way wasn’t working.
His way might. I asked Him
to take my homosexual desires away and forgive me and I took Jesus as my Savior.
I was homeless a week later but out of the blue I learned of a men’s shelter
here. They had one bed left! I drank deeply of the Lord in the mandatory church
and Bible studies and recovery meetings.
Several times the topic of
gays was looked at in the studies and at church. I was soon made manager at the
shelter due to the last one using drugs and passing them to some of the men
there. God got the place cleaned out! This month I dreamed a black woman came
to our church and told us she was delivered from homosexuality. She was the
founder of a gay black women’s mag called Venus. She spoke and said that God
was moving to save homosexuals by the tens of thousands! And she had been lead
by God to be a catalyst in that work. And that more delivered gays were needed
to help in this. Ya'll I woke up from that dream saying Venus! I got on the
internet and there was that woman from my dream! And see I was delivered from
homosexuality in Dec.!
My Pastor recently said who
better to reach an alcoholic than an ex alcoholic! I am convinced God is
leading me to give my testimony in front of the congregation. And it’s because
He knows that there are men in church who like I was is leading double lives! I
was married, had a kid and was practicing homosexuality all week long! And i can’t
have been the only one. Doing this that God is asking me to do was frightening
me! The ridicule and rejection I may face.
But God lead me to this
group and in a couple of days my fear left and a peace has washed over me like
a river. I am no longer afraid! I must listen and follow His will! Christ took
on a lot of pain and rejection for me. Who am I to say no! It’s all about
timing now. I feel it coming soon and I am ready Lord! You know what the
amazing thing was...that Venus dream. Look that up and read about that woman
and her testimony and magazine. I had never heard of any of that yet I dreamed
it and it was my church she came to.
Well that is pretty much my story. Sorry it was so long and i am
entering this on my cheap little phone. Lord... we are told that if we don’t
profess You to others them You will not profess us to the Father. Jesus You are
Lord of my life and You alone have brought me through a harsh sinful life and
saved me when I called on You. Father take me as I am and continue to use me as
You need in order to fulfill Your will. Yes I will go forth for You and in You
for Your glory! I love You and thank You for loving me! Amen
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